I was pleasantly surprised to get a phone call from Dr Anil Indulkar. I had met him first in 1979 when I ran a series of programmes on marketing for BASF, where Dr Indulkar worked at that time. After that, over the next 40 years, I met him briefly a few times at some meetings and seminars. I was therefore greatly surprised to hear from him. And what did he want to say?
He told me that he and six others who had worked with BASF had formed a friends’ group and had been in touch over the last 40 years. They had all gone their different ways and, of course, some had stayed on with BASF until they retired. Now, they had all retired and were doing post-retirement work. During one of their meetings, they decided that they wanted to meet me again and perhaps have dinner. They wanted to tell me how much I had influenced them 45 years ago and how it had helped them in some ways in their careers later, taking them to where they are today. Could I therefore give them a suitable date for a dinner meet in Bombay?
I thought this was really kind. It was the first time that anyone had got back to me after 40 years to tell me that they had benefited from our interaction. It was also the first time that they wanted to celebrate with me in person and tell me how much they appreciated what I had contributed. I literally had tears of gratitude for their kindness.
We met for dinner on 26th July, and I was meeting the others for the first time since 1979! They had planned the meet down to the last detail. They had a short formal ceremony to present me with a shawl and a cap, as well as a few books written by some of them and a small gift for my wife. There were a couple of short speeches to recall the past, with some fun memories and stories from my lectures. All in all, it was a memorable evening. Obviously, Dr Indulkar and his friends had taken a lot of time and trouble and spent money to arrange all this. For me, it was tears of gratitude!
Looking back, the last time I had an experience like the one above was when I was travelling with my wife to Jakarta to give a series of talks there. We took an Air India flight from Bombay to Singapore on the way to Jakarta. As soon as we took our seats in economy, just after the plane had taken off, the chief purser came to me and asked me if I was Mr Walter. I said I was. Was there a problem? He said no, it was just that he wanted to tell me that he reads my column in Business World every week and that he had been doing this for the last nine years. He also said that he enjoys it and learns a lot from it. He then asked me if my wife and I would like to move to business class, where there were still a few seats available. My wife said no — so even though I was tempted, I had to agree with her!
When the time came for us to arrive in Singapore, the chief purser came to me with a parcel, which he said was a thank-you gift for me because he would not see me again. He was going to retire in the next two months, and it was unlikely that we would meet again, but he would like me to accept a small gift of a bottle of whisky as an appreciation of the contribution that my articles had made to his life. He seemed to really mean it. I was very touched. Again, it was tears of gratitude. This does not happen often. Fortunately, I had a few of my books with me in my handbag, and I gifted him one, which he greatly appreciated. It was an inadequate reciprocation for what he had done to my own emotions — it was tears of gratitude!
The stories took me back to what I read about a young man driving by late at night on a highway in the US. He found a woman waving at passing cars for help. Her car had failed. She was looking for someone to take her to the next town, from where she could get transport to the city, where she was headed because her husband had taken very ill and had been moved to hospital.
He stopped and gave this Black woman a lift to the town where she had wanted to go. She asked for his name and address and thanked him profusely. He asked if he could help in any way, and she said no; now that she was in the town, she could manage on her own — and she did.
It was two months later that he got a couriered parcel at his home. It was a gift from the woman he had helped that night on the highway. It was a TV set with a note saying how grateful she was to him for having helped her at a critical time in her life. Because of him, she had got to the hospital in time to have at least two hours with her critically ill husband before he died. She signed it — Mrs Nat King Cole.
Yes, again, it was tears of gratitude — helping to create a stream of joy.
It got me thinking about many situations and stories like this where demonstrations of gratitude create joy all around.
Yet, why don’t we do more of this? Why don’t most of us express our gratitude for what people do for us, most times in very small ways, which make life easier, better, smoother and more joyous for all of us?
It can be when the doorman opens the door of the office. Just a smile, and it’s likely that it will be reciprocated.
The man who manages the elevator. A warm ‘thank you’ when he opens the door and when he leaves you at the right floor — a warm ‘thank you’ changes the mood in the elevator.
A smile at the person who gives you the menu card at the restaurant and the one who serves the dishes. It changes the whole environment and makes it pleasant for the giver and the receiver. A smile at the postman who delivers the mail to your home, if you happen to meet him personally, and the courier who delivers the parcel at home, whom you will most probably meet because you have to sign the receipt. The taxi driver who brought you home after your long trip from the airport.
All these people surround us through life. We take them for granted because we feel that, after all, they are doing a job for which they are being paid. We may even feel that they are simply doing the job for which they are being paid. We also believe that an ‘indicator of gratitude’ is the ‘money tip’ that we hand over or leave behind.
But an indicator of gratitude goes beyond a monetary tip. It goes through a transfer of emotions and the establishment of empathy. Finally, knowing that we are members of the same human race, passing through this world only once, we might as well make it pleasant for ourselves and for them.
It is really about creating tears of gratitude, creating a stream of joy and, finally, many streams that create a river, to make it a better world for all of us.
Yes, Dr Indulkar made me reflect on a very basic requirement to which I had not given too much thought, and that is now generating ‘tears of gratitude’.
(Walter Vieira is a Fellow of the Institute of Management Consultants of India - FIMC. He was a successful corporate executive for 14 years, capping his career as Head of marketing for a Pharma multinational, for India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka- and then pioneered marketing consulting in India in 1975. As a consultant, he has worked across four continents. He was the first Asian elected Chairman of ICMCI, the world apex body of consultants in 45 countries, in 1997. He is the author of 16 books, a business columnist, an international conference speaker and has been a visiting professor in Marketing in the US, Europe, and Asia for over 40 years. He was awarded Lifetime Achievement Award for Consulting in 2005, and for Marketing in 2009. He now spends much of his time in NGO work - Consumer Education and Research Centre, IDOBRO, and some others.)
