The high cost of a lack of good manners struck me when I heard the story of the chief executive officer (CEO) of a leading industry in India, who went to see SS Nadkarni of ICICI for a large loan to finance a new manufacturing unit. It was for an ‘export only’ product that was already doing extremely well and had become an international brand name. The CEO was accompanied by his finance director. The meeting went on for a long time and the conversation was mainly between the two titans. As a result, the finance director, Mr Mehta, did not feel included in the conversation. Virtually bored, he was unconsciously partially rocking in his chair and occasionally yawning! “You don’t seem to be very interested in what’s going on, Mr Mehta. Never mind. I suggest you send a formal proposal letter with all details and I will reply. We need not personally discuss this and spend so much time.” Mr Nadkarni was sharp and brusque. The proposals were sent within a week. The reply within just three days was a REGRET.
The industrialist thought he knew why he had paid a heavy price for his finance director’s folly!
I happened to be in Dubai on work and there, at the club, I met a businessman from Calcutta (now Kolkata) (who was an old friend of mine in India), who said he was there to sign a collaboration agreement with a UAE firm. He was bitter and angry that it had been three days since he had come and there was no sign of the meeting date to finalise the deal. I advised him to be patient. In the UAE, they take time. There is no hurry. They want to make trustworthy acquaintances, if not friends, before they enter a business relationship. Any abrupt action by my friend would mean the end of what could be a very profitable collaboration. I later learnt that the deal was signed on the sixth day and everyone, on both sides of the table, went off very happy!
My client from Mumbai was in the process of arranging a tech arrangement with a company in Japan. The CEO of the Japanese company had come to Mumbai for three days to work out all the details. We invited him to the rooftop restaurant at the Taj Mahal Hotel. My client received them first, at the entrance to the Taj. He greeted Mr Tao when he was four steps below the level from which Mr Shah was greeting. And that is where the proposed collaboration ended! Mr Shah had ‘spoken down’ and that was an insult! Neither Mr Shah nor I had known this. And we paid a heavy price for the ignorance. The agreement was never signed after this expensive and enjoyable lunch!
There was yet another disaster in Dubai, where, at a pre-get-together before the formal meeting in the conference room, my client sat in a sofa chair with his legs crossed. His shoe was pointing to the host, who was the prospective collaborator in a new enterprise. The partnership never saw the light of day, because having a toe pointed at a person is an insult in the Middle East.
Many of us arrive in Japan without knowing the ritual of the visiting card. The Japanese person you meet for the first time will smile, bow twice and, with both hands holding the visiting card, present it to you. If you just take it with one hand and, without even reading it, put it in your shirt pocket, it is a great insult. You have lost the war, even before the war has begun!
There is a story of Lyndon Johnson, when he was president of the US and had visited Thailand. When he met the king and queen, he bent down and kissed the queen on the cheek, as they do in the US. This sent shock waves throughout the country. No one— just no one—can kiss the queen. She is sacred. The president had not followed the proper protocol before visiting the country!
There is the story of my friend who had visited the US for the first time and he was pleasantly surprised that everyone he met addressed him by his first name and they expected him to also do likewise. Having come from India (an old British colony with conservative protocol), it was a new experience. Later, when he came to England, he also began using the first name in conversations with people whom he met for the first time. He knew from the facial expressions that it was not something that they were happy with. It was a big change from across the ocean, from first name to Mr/ Mrs, et cetera. If you came to first-name terms at all, it would probably be after four to six meetings, either on business or socially.
The company I was talking about, in the first paragraph of this article, came back to me after many months to tell me that they had checked out consultants who conduct courses on business protocol. They could not find one. They suggested that I do it, but I told them that I had no training in this area of management. After a few months, they came back and insisted that I do it myself.
I went back and attended some programmes in US and one in UK, so that I could have a background and sufficient material on business protocol (especially international business protocol). I made it a point to meet some authors of publications on business etiquette. One of them, William Thourlby, not only became my teacher but also my mentor and, many years later, also became a close friend.
Mr Thourlby had been an adviser on business protocol to three US presidents. Many years ago, he used to be a Hollywood actor who moved out to get into the area of specialising in business protocol. He wrote a book, Passport to Success, and another one, You Are What You Wear. He was a popular speaker in the US and Europe. We had an association of, perhaps, eight years and, when he died recently, I missed him greatly.
I must pay a tribute to him because he was the one who encouraged me to write a simple and readable book on business protocol (World Passport for Global Managers) for the audience in Asian countries, including India. I did that in 2010, and the book was published (Unicorn Books), with an endorsement from Mr Thourlby. It is still available, but surprisingly, it had poor sales. Surprisingly, because everyone who travels abroad, either as a tourist or on business, should have skimmed through it as preparation. But most feel that they know it already and do not go through the necessary drill. Perhaps they are waiting for corporates to run programmes or for the tourist travel agency to gift them a book!
However, it may work out; the need is great to have at least basic literacy in business etiquette, relevant to the countries you may travel to, and there is no time to be lost!
(Walter Vieira is a Fellow of the Institute of Management Consultants of India - FIMC. He was a successful corporate executive for 14 years, capping his career as Head of marketing for a Pharma multinational, for India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka- and then pioneered marketing consulting in India in 1975. As a consultant, he has worked across four continents. He was the first Asian elected Chairman of ICMCI, the world apex body of consultants in 45 countries, in 1997. He is the author of 16 books, a business columnist, an international conference speaker and has been a visiting professor in Marketing in the US, Europe, and Asia for over 40 years. He was awarded Lifetime Achievement Award for Consulting in 2005, and for Marketing in 2009. He now spends much of his time in NGO work - Consumer Education and Research Centre, IDOBRO, and some others.)
