I’m seeing stars. They control my stocks

A website (that will not be named) has a section that claims that it can predict stock movements by gazing at the planets. No, they are not trying to be funny. We definitely are

Today's forecast: The moon is trying to cross the path of Saturn. At the same time, Rahu is having a go at Ketu. It is also the Mongolian Year of the Moose. This means that the top six stocks in the Nifty will fall rapidly (at least by 10% till 11:30 AM; that's when Rahu will be giving Ketu a knuckle sandwich). Avoid buying banking stocks today. That is because Jupiter is in a foul mood. As you all know, Jupiter is the patron saint of all banks, because no bank has been named after Jupiter.

However, Jupiter is also known to be finicky. So expect all public sector banks to shake off the influence of Saturn (more on that later), which is a sister planet of Jupiter. These stocks will at least remain flat. Coming back to Saturn, its baneful stare will fall on all FMCG stocks. At least three CEOs of top American FMCG multinational companies will be forced to quit. But if they appease Gemini, they may all get postings in Shanghai. Because it is the Chinese Year of the Treasury.

The Sensex may go up, come down or remain flat. If it does not do any of these three things, it means that you have left your reading glasses at home. The Nifty will pick up after 2:30 PM (Rahu would have given Ketu a terrible pasting by then). As you, clever reader, can gather - Rahu is the moving force behind Foreign Institutional Investors, while Ketu misguides Domestic Institutional Investors (as if they needed to be misguided).

Don't even THINK of aviation stocks today. What can soar can also be a bore, as Confucius said.

Thor, the Greek god of debt (that's what He has become now - the whole pantheon is struggling under euro-denominated loans) will turn on the Dow with a vengeance. But since we have said that the Sensex may go up, come down or remain flat, it is logical that the Dow would have exhibited the same behaviour the day before (Indian markets follow the American markets. Ask Christopher Columbus).

The Nasdaq will enter a mercurial phase (you guessed it, Mercury will have a hand to play in it).

(No animals, including bulls and bears, were harmed while writing this article. We don't read entrails - tea leaves are where we draw the line).

User

COMMENTS

rony

6 years ago

i serously want to follow such advise.. can you share the web site...?

Capt Rohinton Khambata

6 years ago

Too Good. God keep us away from such scamsters.

Deepak Shenoy

6 years ago

Jason, don't get your correlation knickers into a causation twist.

Jason

6 years ago

the stars rule the markets ..its not funny.. not on an intraday basis but on a longer term horizon some astrological news letters have been the best market timers .. if you choose not to have an open mind thats your problem

Centenial Surgical Suture net profit declines to Rs1.55 crore in FY10-11

Medical equipment manufacturer Centenial Surgical Suture Ltd said its net profit for the financial year 2010-11 declined to Rs1.55 crore from Rs1.74 crore last fiscal.

During the current fiscal, its revenues stood at Rs47.63 crore as compared to Rs49.15 crore in the last fiscal, said the company in a regulatory filing. 

On Thursday, Centenial Surgical Suture shares ended 4.52% up to Rs2 on the Bombay Stock Exchange, while the benchmark Sensex closed 0.26% higher at 18,226 points.

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Hind Industries net profit surges to Rs2.47 crore in FY10-11

Hind Industries Ltd, a dealer in meat and meat products, said its net profit for the for the financial year 2010-11 stood at Rs2.47 crore as compared to Rs1.54 crore last fiscal.

In the current fiscal, its total revenues increased to Rs122.45 crore from Rs117.98 crore, said the company in a statement.

On Thursday, Hind Industries shares ended 5.53% up to Rs35 on the Bombay Stock Exchange, while the benchmark Sensex closed 0.26% higher at 18,226 points.

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