Celebrating Father's day without comparing him with a mother

Gender bias in Indian society makes it difficult for fathers to get any sympathy or fair treatment. Some NGOs like Vaastav Foundation and Children's Rights Initiative for Shared Parenting or CRISP are taking a lead in making life a little easier for such 'troubled' fathers

That is the thankless position of the father in the family – the provider for all, and the enemy of all.”
                                           -J August Strindberg
True to this quote, fathers in India are generally neglected in all aspects of society and under-appreciated for their role in the family. Although considered a patriarchic society, a segment of men in broken marriages find themselves at the receiving end of tough divorce laws framed to protect women. The irony is that horrendous crimes against women remain undisclosed. The law is also creating a whole class of victims, especially in middle class families where women have been able to use the law to traumatise the whole family. Innumerable cases have come to light in recent times, indicating misuse of section 498a of the Indian Penal Code (IPC), which protects women against domestic violence and dowry, and the father or husband is misunderstood or simply framed for misconduct and domestic violence.

This is because of the gender biased laws in India, which are more inclined towards women than men. Vaastav Foundation, a non-profit, self-help, support group for misused domestic violence, dowry and dowry law (IPC Sec. 498a) not only honoured fatherhood, but also raised awareness on the misuse of gender biased laws in India. The Foundation organised special events to carry out the message on this years Father's day at Dadar in Mumbai.

Speaking on the issue, Amit Deshpande, president of Vaastav Foundation said, “Modernity has still not liberated men from their traditional role as protectors/ providers. We have a stifling definition of real men. In the quest of being the ideal protectors, men go through tremendous stress. Also, since men cannot be seen as weak, they are discouraged to share their woes. We provide a platform for men to express themselves without being judgemental about them.”

Apart from the woes of a married man and a father, another evident concept which was brought to light was the 'shared parenting concept'. In India, in most of the divorce or separation cases, the child's custody is given to the mother and the father, sometimes may not even be allowed to meet the child or participate in his nurture, while still providing for education and other financial needs for both the mother and the child. This concept is strictly biased as there are innumerable cases where mothers have abused this law to gain financial benefits from the husbands, feels the activist.

Commenting on shared parenting in India, Mr Deshpande says, “In India, there is no concept of shared parenting, in the absence of which both the child and the separated father suffer. Many times men commit suicide only because of their inability to meet their child. Every year 65,000 married men commit suicide in India and the number is increasing alarmingly according to the National Crime Records Bureau data by Ministry of Home Affairs. Men are still made to pay maintenance to adulterous, able bodied and educated wives. Apart from these, issues concerning men's health and their abuse from intimate partners do not receive adequate attention.”

A report from Children's Rights Initiative for Shared Parenting (CRISP), an NGO dedicated to promote shared parenting and father's rights, says, “The family courts have often shown extreme delay and reluctance in granting visitation rights to fathers and even when visitation orders are passed, there is no practical mechanism available to enforce the same or punish the custodial parent for violating such orders. While it is imperative that family courts grant open access to fathers  and facilitate them to see their children, such orders are a rarity instead of being a norm.”

The CRISP report highlights two famous Bollywood cases concerning Leander Paes and Sanjay Kapoor (the husband of Karisma Kapoor), who alleged that they were denied custody and visitation rights to their kids because the wives refused them. This suggests that even high-profile celebrities are subjected to gender biased laws and legal hassles to maintain equal rights as their spouse, with regard to their kids.

Michael Rutter in Maternal Deprivation Reassessed (1972), described by New Society as a 'classic in the field of child care', argued that research showed that it did not matter which parent the child got on well with as long as he got on well with one of them, that both parents influence their child's development and that which parent is more important varies with age, sex and temperamental development. He concluded, "For some aspects of development the same-sexed parent seems to have a special role, for some the person who plays and talks most with the child and for others the person who feeds the child. The father, the mother, brother and sisters, friends, school-teachers and others all have an impact on development, but their influences and importance differ for different aspects of development. A less exclusive focus on the mother is required. Children also have fathers!"

The event organised by Vaastav Foundation also included essay competitions and a play called “Kaun Banega Narakpati”, which highlighted social issues like AIDS and the rapidly increasing tendency of people to misuse biased laws like 498a (IPC). Underlining this issue, Mr Deshpande, president of Vaastav Foundation, informed the audience about present bias against men as fathers, by society. Other events included  a social awareness campaign on gender equality for harmony in society, social media awareness on neglect of fathers by society and other agencies.

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COMMENTS

nilesh sharma

3 years ago

Thanks to show your concern on Men's issues. I hope our govt. too awakes from the blind sleep take corrective steps to stop suicides of the young men, which will be a true step towards youth development by making gender neutral laws.

Who cares if a youth of a our country is under depression due to anti-men laws, no one supports him, but rather asks him to bow in front of adultery and games played by his partner for life.

Thanks to Save Indian Family and Amit Deshpande's Vaastav Foundation in Mumbai to support Men in distress.

A special Thanks to the editor.

Arun

3 years ago

Good and well researched article. Still a lots more to it than just stated.

But well written. Keep it up.

Arun

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Do the Railways care for elderly passengers?

The couple alleged that during May 2014, they were not allowed to use the esclator facility at Coimbatore station under the pretext of 'out of service', but found it being used to ferry family members of some railway employees

An elderly couple recently filed a complaint with the Indian Railways, with regard to  the alleged irresponsible and illegal behaviour of the railway employees at Coimbatore Station. The couple alleged that during May 2014, they were not allowed to use the esclator facility at the station under the pretext of 'out of service', but found it being used to ferry family members of some railway employees.

Padma Raghvan, one of the passengers said, “my husband and I travelled on the 3 May 2014 by Shatabdi Express from Coimbatore to Chennai. The tickets were booked online in advance and the date of travel was unfortunately a couple of days after the bomb blast. In spite of this, there was only cursory checking and also, there were no porters to carry luggage. Eventually, we found a porter willing to move our luggage to the designated platform, which was two floors above. Upon enquiry we were told that there was no escalator, lift or ramp at the station. The only alternative was to climb the stairs - not an easy proposition for us.”

She further stated, “when we eventually reached the platform, the porter showed us to a shed and asked to wait until the train arrived. The shed seemed to be the exit point of the escalator. As we watched, a man in white uniform without any name badge, inserted a key near the escalator and it began to ascend. He switched it off and handed the key over to a person in mufti (not in uniform). He did not appear to be a Railway employee. The man in mufti started it with the key given to him, reversed the motion and right in front of us a group of people with very little luggage got on to the escalator and went to the platform below where the escalator then stopped.”

A government official using state property meant to be used in the service of people is against the law and strict action must be taken against concerned officials.

Railway activist Samir Zaveri, who also runs a Railway Helpline with Moneylife Foundation said, “Railway should immediately respond to the complaint of harrased senior citizens, compensate them and take serious action against the designated officers. Railways cannot discriminate between passengers for offering basic services like escalators which is especially beneficial for senior citizens.”

Padma Raghvan too said, “I expect to be compensated by Railways for porterage, inconvenience and discrimination in the treatment of passengers.” She also tried to file a complaint on http://www.indianrailways.gov.in but encountered an 'error' while submitting it. Hence she wrote a letter to [email protected] but till now has not get any response from the Railways.

In her letter to Railways' customer care she asked, “What does this mean? The escalator was in working order at the time we asked about the facility, it was not used for the purpose for which it was installed in the first place - that is for the convenience of passengers. The uniformed man misused his position by allowing young and healthy passengers to have a joyride on it and also reversed its motion to the utter inconvenience of deserving passengers. We, paying passengers were told that it was not working, when, in fact, the escalator was in good working order.”

Moneylife contacted the chief public relations officer (CPRO) from Southern Railway at Chennai. He said he would forward our mail to the divisional railway manager (DRM) at Salem division, as Coimbatore falls within this zone. We are awaiting a reply and would incorporate it as and when we receive it.
 

If you have any complaints and suggetions regarding railways you can file it online on: http://customercare.indianrailways.gov.in/criscm/home.seam
OR you can also file your complaints on http://www.pgportal.gov.in/

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COMMENTS

Dev

3 years ago

Railways never care for passengers.

Recently I had to visit Calicut in Kerala. I ate lunch from a railway restaurant. I was given horrible food. Why cant the railway insist to give good food to the passengers?

I think there is big corruption involved in giving licences to shops and restaurants.

Gopalakrishnan T V

3 years ago

The railway authorities have no concern for passengers in general and senior citien passengers in particular. I have been regularly commenting when ever I get a chance to report. It is impossible to register a complaint in the address given by the railways. In 2013 mysel and wife ( both senior citizens)had a very bitter experience in Madurai Jn and I had tried to put up the complaints through e mails, portals etc without success. Finally, I wrote a letter to the Station Superintendent with a copy to DRM,The DRM's office had no courtesy even to acknoledge the letter. However, the SS contacted me over phone and said sorry for the incoveniences i encountered for the authority's laxity and callousness even to make proper announcement of the arrival of a train and the platform in which the train will arrive. They put some number in the notice board and in the last minutute they change the platform and do not make any announcement to that effect. Passengers had to rush with their kith and kin and luggage. Elders and seniore are simply dragged and pushed here and there making all possible chaos and confusion. The concerns and problems encounttered by the passengers are not given any serious consideratio and possible solutions are not even thought of leave alone implemnented. Many things are happening and Finally Jane Do attitude of Passengers and indifference and insensitivity approach of the employees continue to prevail and some fellows take the trouble of complaining but without any hope of having any solution.

SuchindranathAiyerS

3 years ago

Nothing in India is customer friendly. Every organization, including foreign ones take their cue from how the Government treats Indian citizens.

Sudheer M

3 years ago

Railways does not even care for the basic minimum requirements of Senior Citizens. For eg., in Yeshwanthpur Kannur express (16527-528), if a couple of Senior Citizen book their tickets, normally they will be allotted middle and upper berths. Very rarely one gets Lower berth. Interestingly, happened to see that the lower berths in the same section where allotted to young people.

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